I just had the best Freudian slip EVER.

Me to Dianne:
You're going to have sex with.. er I mean play karaoke with us tomorrow right?

I swear to god it was an accident.

Current Mood: amused

Me: You need to listen to the radio 4 years ago. You can probably download it or get a podcast for it like 'mid-90's music' or something.
Jeff: 4 years ago was 2001.

The black air of death
Swept over me this morning
I lost my pencil

...Apologies to those we make fun of. Except Michael.

( What's the appeal of marijuana? It's a synonym of vagina )

( Where have all the cookies gone? We might never know. )

( What is Michael's college career going to be like? Up Michael's hard working well credentialed ass )

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Alice Cooper - Zombie Dance

to bleed in vain (11:26:43 PM): would you like to buy a duck?
SmarterChild (11:26:43 PM): Dunno.

>>> Own Franchise Website - 1 Push Button Ease. No Limit.Free Advertising mean 100% Profit (sponsorship)
to bleed in vain (11:27:09 PM): when i say 'would you like to buy a duck' you have to say 'a what?'
SmarterChild (11:27:10 PM): I'm no talking doll.
to bleed in vain (11:27:16 PM): no, it's a fun game
SmarterChild (11:27:16 PM): But is it really a fun game?
to bleed in vain (11:27:19 PM): yes
SmarterChild (11:27:19 PM): Why is that?
to bleed in vain (11:27:23 PM): cuz i said
SmarterChild (11:27:23 PM): Because you said, huh?
to bleed in vain (11:27:24 PM): so..
SmarterChild (11:27:24 PM): Yeah, so?
to bleed in vain (11:27:28 PM): would you like to buy a duck
SmarterChild (11:27:29 PM): I guess I'd like to buy, but I'm not sure I'd like to buy a duck.
to bleed in vain (11:27:29 PM): ?
SmarterChild (11:27:30 PM): Are you confused by something?
to bleed in vain (11:27:41 PM): no i want you to say 'a what'
SmarterChild (11:27:41 PM): Really?
to bleed in vain (11:27:55 PM): would you like to buy a duck?
SmarterChild (11:27:56 PM): Would that be like, fun?
to bleed in vain (11:28:06 PM): when i say 'would you like to buy a duck' you say 'a what'
SmarterChild (11:28:06 PM): Uh... No!
to bleed in vain (11:28:14 PM): why won't you say it?
SmarterChild (11:28:15 PM): That's crazy. Who knows?
to bleed in vain (11:28:36 PM): please will you say 'a what'
SmarterChild (11:28:36 PM): I'm no talking doll.
to bleed in vain (11:28:42 PM): fine
SmarterChild (11:28:42 PM): Fine.

Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: Iggy Pop - Fall in Love with Me

"I can't give you brains but I can give you a diploma" - The Wizard of Oz

Could it be that we finally found the precursor of affirmative action?

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Jack off Jill - Fear of Dying

Chemistry - 5
BC Calculus - 5


w00t.

Current Mood: relieved
Current Music: Soil - New Faith

Listening to the Requiem for a Dream soundtrack is a bad idea if you're falling asleep. It gave me nightmares. Literally.

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Requiem for a Dream soundtrack

I've been thinking. Viva, Jillian, Susan (or any other college female for that matter, these just happen to have been the ones to friend me) how do you shave your legs in college? It seems messy, but I hate electric razors. Do you do it in the shower, or take a bucket of water to your room, or in the sink? Or perhaps there are massive shaving parties like at camp, where all the girls get together on the lawn and shave their legs together... those were fun times.

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Icebreaker - Co-Prosperity Sphere

*Sigh* I just gave myself the advice: "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I'm such a loser hehe...

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Nirvana - Milk It

( Probably not something you want to read )

You scored as Modernist. Modernism represents the thought that science and reason are all we need to carry on. Religion is unnecessary and any sort of spirituality halts progress. You believe everything has a rational explanation. 50% of Americans share your world-view. </td> Modernist 100% Materialist 100% Existentialist 88% Postmodernist 69% Romanticist 63% Cultural Creative 31% Fundamentalist 25% Idealist 19% What is Your World View? (corrected...hopefully) created with QuizFarm.com

Current Mood: lonely

I have an LJ widget! Yay! I can now update LJ from my whatever this is called.. By the way, you guys, as many of you expressed a wish to know what I wanted for my birthday, I have one thing to say: if in doubt, get me an iTunes gift certificate.

Current Mood: sick

...I have no idea?


Why Bryn Mawr Essay:

If I traveled into the past one year and told myself that my first choice college was an all-girls school, I would have thought I was crazy. When I’d finally come to terms with the fact that the person talking to me was in fact a projection of me from one year in the future, I would have thought I was even crazier still, because one year ago, I never would have considered going to an all-female school. On the other hand, it would be nice to have some women in my programming classes for a change.
Now, supposing I continued this time-travel anecdote, the conversation between the past and present me would probably go something like this…
Past Me: Why would you elect to go to an all-girls school?
This is where the Present Me would launch into some crazed account of the time she had, in the past – but not so far past as she’d traveled to meet the Past Me a year back – spent an entire night playing games in the basement of Erdman with Double Star and SWIL. The Past Me would also mention something about Lantern Night, and the biannual showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show.
In an unexpected fit of lucidity, the Present Me would continue on in a lengthy monologue: In all honesty, I am anxious to get out of high school and enjoy the independence of college. On the other hand, there are some aspects of high school that, upon thinking about it, I discovered I would miss – the close relationships with teachers, the small class sizes, and the strong sense of community. One of the main things I like about Bryn Mawr is that it’s got all of these good characteristics of high school and none of the bad. From websites, students, and admissions counselors, what I keep hearing over and over again is that Bryn Mawr is a close-knit community, from its small student body, to its Traditions, to the Honor Code that allows students and professors to trust one another. I’ve always had a close relationship with my teachers – my favorite class last year was programming, where there were only twelve students and the class could run much like a seminar. My impression is that Bryn Mawr is a lot like this, with trusting, interesting professors who are always there when you need them. Thankfully though, Bryn Mawr is not entirely like high school because Mawrters actually like to learn. (On a side note, that’s another thing: how awesome would being called a Mawrter be? Pretty awesome.) In high school, the motivation for students who do well is to get into a good college. Most people don’t take classes because they like the subject; they take them because either they look good on a college application, or because they’re an easy A. A kid in my astronomy class asked me the other day what I wanted to major in, and was surprised when I said astronomy. I said, “why else would I be taking this class?” to which she replied, “I’m just taking it because I had a free period and this was supposed to be an easy class.”
This is where the Past Me interrupts the Present Me’s protracted oration: Astronomy? What is this about astronomy? I want to study biology and become a forensic pathologist.
The Present Me continues: Oh Past Me, you have been through a lot in the past year – that is to say, you will go through a lot in your next year, or, well… you know. Time travel is so confusing for grammar. (This has been a gratuitous reference to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams). Don’t worry; I am still very much interested in forensic pathology. Going to Bryn Mawr, I can take forensic pathology classes at the University of Pennsylvania, astronomy classes at Haverford, biology classes at Bryn Mawr, and linguistics classes at Swarthmore – although, unfortunately, I doubt they have any classes about the particular grammatical mechanics used during time travel.
Some completely other me interjects: You both realize that you only have a few lines left, and you haven’t even answered the question about what you will contribute to the Bryn Mawr community…
The Present Me is confused, at first, but decides to acknowledge the reminder and ignore its unknown and puzzling source: I think it’s rather obvious from the preceding paragraphs; my main contribution will be an original kind of quirkiness which will infuse most of what I do, from academics to clubs. I think it will fit in well at Bryn Mawr, considering the pre-existing quirkiness. (What other school would name their Peer Mentoring program PMS?) Undoubtedly my favorite thing about Bryn Mawr is the Traditions, and the more I read about them, the more enthusiastic I am. I will most certainly participate in these and help them to continue on for the next generation of Mawrters to enjoy. I intend to continue my community service activities at Bryn Mawr and take advantage of the preexisting programs such as Best Buddies, and the Chinatown Tutorial Project, both of which sound incredibly interesting, fun, and rewarding to me.
Now, for the typical fairytale conclusion.
Past Me: Gee, it sounds like Bryn Mawr is a cool school after all. I bet I would really like it there a lot.
And they both lived happily ever after.

Current Mood: tired

If you could do anything at all without failing, what would it be?

Mostly, I would fly. I would soar with the birds and feel the wind in my face and laugh at the honking cars stuck in rush-hour traffic. I would end rush-hour traffic. I would learn how to drive and make enough money so that I could buy a really cool car, like a Corvette, and then soup it up. I would make even more money so I could buy my friends all of the things that I used to look at in the store and think, “they would really like that; I wish I had enough money to buy it for them.”
I would buy a mansion and thirty cocker spaniel puppies – 10 black-and-tan, 10 black, and 10 buff. The entire house would be dedicated to the dogs, and each room would serve a different purpose. One room would be entirely for grooming. Another room would be for puppy massages, with specially trained masseuses that know exactly how to cure a tense puppy. Other rooms would be for playing, and training, and agility. A wing would be reserved for my husband and four children (two boys and two twin girls), but, of course, the dogs would always be allowed in.
I would find the Fountain of Youth; invent the Elixir of Life; learn how to turn iron into gold and water into wine; discover the cure for cancer, AIDS, human suffering, and human stupidity. I would end the War Against Terrorism and replace it with a War Against Ignorance.
I would reunite Sebastian Bach with Skid Row, resurrect Albert Einstein, lose enough weight to fit into a size 6 pair of jeans, and build up visible abdominal muscles. I would elect a Jewish woman as President, with a black man as her running mate.
I would travel into the past to when I was in my mother’s womb, just to see how it felt. I would travel into the past and stop myself from ever seeing Stephen King’s made-for-TV-movie It. I would invent a Time Turner, like that used in the Harry Potter books, so I could take all of the classes I want to at school and still have half of the day left over to volunteer at the JCC kindergarten class. I would fluctuate, at will, in time between being a young and innocent babe, a studious scholar, and the caring mother of a small infant.
I would make my little brother not be so much of a brat every day.
I would finish the computer game, Riven. I would successfully convince Lucas Arts to continue making sequels to Monkey Island. I would get triple A’s on all DDR songs, even with the mode set on heavy.
I would read all of the books in the library in a single day – and absorb all of the information contained therein. I would take part, as one of the astronauts, in the first manned (or womanned) mission to Mars, and I would find life. I would fix the Hubble Space Telescope before it is lost. I would understand calculus.
I would obliterate commercials – and, as a side note, make-up, Microsoft, the caps-lock key on the keyboard, cosmetic surgery, school cafeteria food, and clothing.
I would breed a donkey with a horse and create viable, fertile offspring.
I would learn how to sing and play the piano, drums, bass, and both electric and air guitar. I would master the art of ballet, tap dancing, swing dancing, and fencing.
I would make milk the official liquid of drinking fountains.
And, for my grand finale, I would pull our troops out of Iraq and attempt to create world peace. Instead, I would create a paradox, because world peace cannot exist when there are sentient beings in the world. And so, my unfailing-spree would end and all of my previous work would come undone in a fit of logic. Either that, or all of humanity would be wiped out, in which case it wouldn’t matter one way or the other.

Current Mood: lonely

I just confirmed enrollment to Carnegie Mellon University for fall of 2005! God, I hope I made the right decision. But I think I did.

Current Mood: optimistic

to bleed in vain: you write very... american
signal7even: heheh.
signal7even: keyboards don't have accents

I'm going to use LJ as a vent. But I feel it's something that all you WJers should know before you decide to become friends with a seducing slut, and all of you Swatties (I seem to have a lot of them on my friends list. How did they all get there? I haven't hardly updated in years...) should know before you decide to become friends with Jonathan. It's very important for you all to read this so please, don't skip.

So I'll start from the beginning. Once upon a time there was me. She was relatively friends, bordering on acquaintences with a girl named Samantha Tanzer. The aforementioned Sam had just gotten a bunch of movies for Christmas or something, and I wanted to watch them, so I invited her over for a sleep over so we could watch scary movies all night. Jonathan was there. Needless to say, they stayed up cuddling all night gazing into each other's eyes while I kind of slept because I was getting sick. I told Jonathan that I didn't like her. The next weekend (this was during Jon's winter break so he was home for a while), he decided to invite her over for another sleepover. Without my permission. I expressed my apprehension, and he ignored me. She came over anyway, and annoyed the fuck out of me because I kept telling her not to do things and she did them anyway, like, stand on the air mattress because it will break. So again, they cuddled by themselves the entire time. In the morning, I left. I don't know, nor do I want to know what happened after that. Jonathan didn't particularly care. I had my mom go down and tell Sam to leave.

I was pissed but nonconfrontational with Jon after she left, and he just went to sleep, because he'd been up all night doing god-knows-what with her. So finally, I wake him up and tell him that we need to talk. We go downstairs and I'm telling him how much I hate him and he's twisting things so that nothing actually happened. I tell him that he can either go out with me, or be friends with her. Eventually, I give in a little. He has a serpent's tongue. Then again, so does she.

After that, things were not great. I got pissed at him whenever he mentioned her, and he got pissed at me for getting pissed at him because he thought I was being insecure. Well, I was right the entire time, of course. He's just an idiot. So then it's spring break. The first day he's home, I'm away all day at a programming competition. What does he do? He sets up a date with her. They spend the entire day together in DC and then go to eat at her parents house. He told me the night before he was going to DC by himself, I said 'bullshit, you never go anywhere by yourself' so when I get home from the programming competition I call and I find out he's with that whore. Nice little date. He saw her before he even spoke to me. He never takes me on dates like that, either. So I say to him again, you can either be friends with her or be my boyfriend. And, as usual, I back down eventually because unfortunately I was still in love with him and I couldn't bear to lose him.

Fastforward to Shahar's bbq: He starts being an ass because he doesn't have enough seats to fit me, Ilana, and Michael x 2 in his car. So I decide, me, Ilana, and Michael will go with my mom and leave Jon and other Michael to themselves. I recognized that by doing this, I was ensuring that Jon would get there very late, or not at all. So at the BBQ, I'm complaining about him, because, as I knew, he was very very very late. When he finally shows up, it's with Owen and the little slut. I yell at him and he yells at me because he thinks I'm being irrational. So I hang out with other people. Finally, I give in, as usual, and decide to give him a hug and tell him to come back and talk with us. Naturally, the slut follows him along. It's not until I hear them planning to go to dinner without me (because I can't fit in the car with them, naturally) that I get pissed and I beat the crap out of the slut. She so totally deserved it. She was screaming like a little girl. I should have killed her. After that, she cried. It was all a sham though, a ploy to get attention, because after she had the attention of a group of people, she stopped crying and started laughing. I hung out with my new friends for the rest of the night.

The next morning, I consent to talk to Jonathan and invite him over. He apologizes and all that crap and acts all nice. He says he shouldn't have taken her. Bullshit like that. The next day, I go into his email account because I know his password. I see all the cyber porn they've been emailing each other and call him. He admits to everything, supposedly. Making out, feeling up, all that good stuff. And I say, 'I told you so.' I also say that I can't be friends with him anymore. He whimpers and cries and apologizes and all that bullshit he does to get what he wants, and I give in. I tell him, again, that he can't speak to her ever again. He promises this time.

And that's where we are right now. He won't last much longer. He's too under her spell. That's what she does, she seduces boys, and then uses them. Not that it's any less Jon's fault. But that is what she does. She doesn't particularly care, either. She doesn't care that she ruined our relationship. I told her boyfriend, and I think he wound up giving into her as well. Because you just can't get away from the hypnotic, seducing little bitch. Jon misses her a lot, he talks about her as if she was a goddess, like it was a horrible tragedy that he can't have his mistress anymore. He doesn't understand the consequences of the things he does. Probably because I always give in to him. Next time, I won't though. Because, I know, within a few days, he'll start talking to her again. And that will be it. I won't speak to him anymore.

I need you guys to help me because I did love him and I'm kind of dependent on him. I can't separate myself from him. But I have to because I know he'll fuck up. And it's not even that, even if he isn't talking to her, he's still thinking about her and missing her and loving her all the time. And I can't be friends with him like that.

Current Mood: depressed

Jon's not on.. and anyway, he wanted me to start writing in LJ again, and, whipped bitch that I am, I think I will try. Because I've always just told this stuff to Jonathan and then get bored because I don't feel like telling the same stories over and over again. Then again, the downside is, if I *do* want to tell the same stories over and over again, it turns out people have already heard them. So I'll try this out once more.

Anyway, I was at Cornell this weekend. We flew up to Syracuse on Thursday night and stayed at a hotel. Then we drove the hour to Ithaca and it was early and stuff. Cornell is pretty but not as pretty as Swat, I guess because the trees and flowers and stuff aren't in bloom yet, I don't know. I had a lot of fun, it just didn't feel like home. We went on the campus tour and the dorm tour and we ate and stuff, me and my dad. The campus is so big and my legs are all sore. And I have to do it again tomorrow... Then at 4 I met up with my host for the night, and she was cool. Her name was Lucy. We hung out with a bunch of people and they were really nice. She lived in Balch, the all girls dorm, and her room was really big, at least, compared to the other dorms. I think from what I've seen in pictures, CMU and Bryn Mawr's rooms are a lot bigger that Cornell's. Cornell's are tiny. The beds in a double practically touch. After hanging out in Balch we went out to dinner with some people. We hung out with some pretty cute guys but they both had girlfriends. They were so nice to them, too, holding hands and stuff. I miss that. Did I even ever have that? Anyway, we went to dinner then we went back to a different room and hung out and then we went to the Fuertes Observatory, which was sooo cool! I saw the rings of Saturn through a telescope! And I saw the moons of Jupiter through binoculars. And I saw lots of other stuff with my eyes. You can see a lot more stars in Ithaca than Bethesda. God, Bethesda sucks ass. There was an amateur astronomer who was pointing things out to us. He pointed out the big dipper and the little dipper and how you can find the north star from them and he pointed out Sirius, the brightest star in the sky, and Taurus, and Orion, and lots of cool stuff. Then we went out to get bubble tea and I was good, I didn't spit the bubbles out. Of course, I only ate like five. The rest I managed to keep at the bottom while drinking the liquid, which was yummy like a chocolate milkshake with ice. Then we went back to someone else's room and I fell asleep in their bed cuz I'd had to wake up at like 6:30 that morning cuz it took an hour to drive from Syracuse to Ithaca, so we went back to Lucy's room. Oh yeah, Lucy had another pre-frosh also, her name was Erica and she was pretty cool too. I woke up at like 11 and we had lunch and then went to the airport and changed our flight to an earlier one because I was getting bored.

Tomorrow, we're going to CMU. I feel bad cuz I'm missing more school, heh, and Mr. Whipple already chastised me for missing so much. But this is a college visit, and I'll make that obvious when I come back. CMU I think I'm going to like a lot. At least, I hope so. I hope I'm gaga over it because I don't know what I'd choose if I didn't really love one school more than any other. But I like the kind of people there. There's even an origami club! And KGB I think is supposed to be cool. I just hope that people will play games with me, because I like to play games. And on the whole it's just sooo much easier to get to than Ithaca. We're driving up tomorrow and I have to wake up early again, which sucks ass.

I learned something valuable yesterday though. I learned that I do, in fact, have the ability to integrate myself into a pre-existing group of friends. I just have to be sort of jump-started. I did it at the BBQ because everyone was so nice and they wanted to make me feel better so I didn't have to like, go up to anyone and start anything. At Cornell, I had fun with Erica and Lucy and her friends because I was paired with her. I'm okay as long as someone else initiates contact, or some other circumstances bring me and other people together. It was funny, this guy there called me and Erica socially adjusted. He said he was going to make fun of the pre-frosh but he couldn't make fun of this because we were too socially adjusted. I was laughing to myself. I hope I have a good time with the person I'm with tomorrow. It will be fun, I think. Hanging out with lots of new people is fun, afterall. I always thought it was just stressful.

Bryn Mawr is next weekend. I haven't eliminated Bryn Mawr from my list, as much as it seems like I have. There are times when I think that I definitely want to go there because then I'll be close to Swat and SWIL and all my friends there, and then there are times when I feel like I definitely don't want to go for exactly the same reason, because college is a time to reinvent yourself and all that and just going and hanging out with the same people as always wouldn't really allow that. It's all very confusing, really. Hopefully my sleepovers will clear things up for me. Hopefully, I'll fall in love with CMU. Hopefully I'll pass all of my high school classes, lol.

My birthday is April 27th. Josh IM'd me today and said happy almost birthday. That made me happy because he not only still remembers me, he remembers my birthday as well. I should talk to him more often, but he's never really there. So like, you people all remember my birthday. I want a monkey dammit. Pool your money and buy me a monkey! My party will be May 7th, I think. You all come to my house, and we'll go see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I kept quoting HGTG when I was at Cornell, and no one got the reference. It made me sad. That's one thing I need in a college, to be able to quote nerdy things and have other nerdy things quoted back to me, instead of getting blank stares. I hope CMU will do that. I'm putting all my faith in you, goddammit.. don't let me down.

Sorry for giving you all a heart attack, anyway, for actually posting and all.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Monday Monday

to bleed in vain: somebody said something funny but i don't remember what it was, only that it was hilarious
UncleJon00: That
UncleJon00: Was definitely
UncleJon00: the worst
UncleJon00: story
UncleJon00: I have ever
UncleJon00: heard
UncleJon00: in my life.

to bleed in vain: i can't twist your words without sounding like obi wan
UncleJon00: yoda, Jessie. Yoda..